Call me when you try to wake her.

So sorry for not updating. I've been out there living and breathing and walking and spending money. Making the world spin. Making my head spin.

New York was great again. Everytime I leave I feel like I'm leaving something great in my life. I've taken on a second job to fulfill my goal of my newest project "5,000 or Bust" (meaning I need that amount of money or nothing.) I've got a sizeable chunk out of the way, but it'll be good to have it all done.

Jane has left. I can't believe that I was actually standing at the airport watching her go. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. She knows that. Amy knows that. Judy does too. I didn't want to be standing there, I didn't want to have dinner at Macaroni Grill the night before. I didn't want to have to play the last game of Scrabble with her. I didn't want to have to keep hugging her again and again so I could just know how it feels to be that close with her. What's an ocean between us right? I couldn't cry when she left, or in the car leaving, or the drive to Denton. When I got here I just let it out and lay there. I love her so much.

Listen, you'll have to excuse me. I have a lunch meeting with Cliff Huxtable at the Four Seasons in 20 minutes.

Two days in NYC so far.

We landed late Thursday night and crashed. I crashed. I had been up for way too long studying for my linguistics class and hoped to sleep on the plane. Didn't happen. So Thursday for me was all about getting to one destination: a bed.

Friday we got up late and went to eat at Junior's here in Brooklyn. Did I ever tell you guys how much I love Sauerkraut? I wanted to dance a bit when I ate Sauerkraut, but being in a confined space and with Amy and Jane there, I had to dance in my head. I think the Time Warp from Rocky Horror is a good dance to do for food.

We went to the MET and I felt lost most of the time. It's a labyrinth. The sculpture exhibit there is great.

Virgin Megastore, Strand Books, Karaoke in K-town. I sang Michael Jackson's Ben, which is my safety song. I know it by heart. I had a friend named Ben, still do, and I'd like to shout that out for a sec. Ben, you gotta song.

Yesterday was shopping. Got some books, Talking Heads stuff, hung out on Bleeker Street. Bought a faux Coach purse in Chinatown. Drank alot with an NYC police officer (training) and everyone. Two mind erasers and I don't remember getting home. I think we took a cab. I don't remember a train.

Just because some of us can read and write and do a little math, that doesn't mean we deserve to conquer the Universe.

I've been sick, thought to be fired, thought to be ON fire, and fell asleep in the middle of drinking a cherry coke. Plus I slept on my glasses and made my face look like some discarded Picasso painting. I bloodied two of my knuckles without knowledge, broke a plate while washing it and nearly got hit by a Miata this morning.

But I'm leaving for NY on Thursday and none of this seems to matter.

Jane and I will be flying to NY (via Atlanta) Thursday and spend the weekend doing NY things. I guess gawking and getting lost, and then finding cool things and then being exhausted. That's what tourists do right? I hope to go to the East Village. We're going to The Met this Friday. We did't get a chance last time.

Quick. Someone tell me where I can get a faux pink Coach bag!

I wanna see the hands. Come on. Which one of you nuts has got any guts?

I woke up feeling sick. I think I haven't had a cold this bad in well, years. I'm just going to go blow money on OJ and antihistamines until I can see through lead or run a marathon.

On the way home from class earlier I ran into Luke who was already sitting in front of his house double fisting coffee and a Mickeys. This is pretty usual for Luke since he spends his days doing nothing but trying to become less and less appealing, but this morning has taken the cake. Apparently he had gotten into a fight last night/early morning with some hippie kid named Sloane. I'm not sure who won, but Luke's wrist looks broken. He doesn't want to go to the hospital (lack of insurance) so he's got a towel wrapped around it and resting in his lap. It's really purple and bruised. I should've forced him to go, but I mean, it's Luke and there's not much you could do. Then we talked about beating people until their unconscious, and then making them wake up in odd situations. Like, beating up that hippie guy until he passes out, then go put him in a house with a wife and a kid, a minivan. He'd be like "whoa, they beat me into suburbia."
We also tried the situation where the guy would wake up as a fry cook at Denny's and an Eskimo on a hunting trip.

Plus: I'm back on myspace. The pressure was too much and I broke.

Rachidian

It always makes me think of Rome, the way the sun hits the buildings in the afternoon.

I couldn't sleep right away.
I read some, but then I remembered I had to send a couple of e-mails (one to Jerry in Japan, one to my younger brother Seth) then started to peruse YouTube.
I was looking through all my videos that I've saved over the past month, when I found out you COULD save videos, Here are my favorites (so far):

A Tribe Called Quest-Check The Rhyme
The Flaming Lips- Mr. Ambulance Driver
Camper Van Beethoven- Take The Skineheads Bowling
The Smiths- Panic
Talking Heads- And She Was
The Descendents- I'm The One
Men Without Hats- Safety Dance
Alphaville- Forever Young
Barenaked Ladies- Easy
Porno For Pyros- Pets
Me Myself and I- De La Soul

Man. I love ALL those videos.

Russia, are you not speeding along like a fiery and matchless troika?

Hey.

I'm trying to read Julio Cortazar/listen to Suicidal Tendencies/drink Optimator. The combination is confusing yet stimulating.
New York is on the horizon again. Jane and I are going to go the last weekend of October becuase....well, just becuase we want to. I can't wait. New York is still surreal to me even know it'll be my third visit. It's an overwhelming feeling to be there, to be around all the life that's happening. It always makes me think of a city that's constantly moving- not just the people but the bricks and the ironworks and the bridge. Like these inanimate objects are also living and breathing there, moving along with everything else.

Denton is still Denton and will forever always be Denton. Whatever image you have of Denton in your mind right now is the same exact image of Denton as it probably is right now. I do love it here, but it's getting a bit tedious. We saw a big "gang" fight in front of our house last night. Strange. I saw someone get hit with a baseball bat HARD.

I was talking with Jane the other night after we had left the Old Monk in Dallas. We were there for her friends birthday. I was thinking about my line of work, the mental health racket, and wondering how much of "me" is involved with it. I would never opt for another job, If I had to do it all over again I would, but at the same time I wonder if people are only interested in that fact. The fact that, yeah, I've had to deal with stuff that's way out of the norm. People love looking at car crashes, and watching scary movies. It's an entire different thing to live it. I have to equate those two instances with my life while working at a mental institution. It was a long series of events that I don't feel comfortable about. I've recently started writing down a lot of things that went on, trying to sort them out in my mind. I don't regret the things I've done but sometimes I have huge questions about them.

I'm a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.

I think my favorite Bob Dylan song is Wigwam.


Working on a couple of new stories.

I only read futures, I don't evaluate them.

There are two things in my life that I don't have time for. Adult Contemporary Jazz and Golfing, yet this morning when I woke up I thought, "Wow this weather would be great to play Golf in." The Jazz part is just something that I know I'll never have time for, on the pure base fact that I don't get it.

I had a dream last night that I was still living back in the apartment with Jane. It was like I woke up and I was in our bedroom and I walked into the living room and checked my e-mail and went back to bed. Then I woke up to my alarm and realized I was here on Sycamore street and that TAD had his NPR/alarm blaring the BBC. It was weird to wake up twice in two different places. My mind woke up there but my body woke up here.

I am having a love affair with this ice cream sandwich.

Ugh.

My allergies are killing me to the point where you sniffle so much in class, and then the girl behind you offers you a tissue becuase somehow you're offending her. Thanks girl with lowrise jeans and pink ROXY t-shirt. I appreciate it.

Last night we watched Bring It On: All or Nothing, completing the trilogy of Cheertastic movies. It was...entertaining. Pretty much the same premise (white school vs. black school with the one Asian cheerleader in the mix). I wonder if that's how living in a Cheerleader world really is. Always having to play the race card while doing double lutzes and yelling Go Whoever. Heavy issues man.

I'm off to have lunch with Luke and Aya and then work.

This must be where pies go when they die.

My meeting with the Undergraduated English advisor, Terrence, was this morning. Two classes. Two more classes and then I'll be finished with my degree in Creative Writing.

When I was younger, I collected office supplies in hopes of one day working in a cubicle or an office. I would have staplers and reams of paper, a couple of typewriters (Computers were still foreign to me at that age) and a desk my dad bought at an office surplus store. I'd spend hours arranging and collating, filing things with stickers and labels. Subconsciously, I think that I wanted to be middle of the road, average necktie and jacket kind of guy. It was a sense of security, being able just to have some sort of job from 9-5 with a pension and a Datsun.

Gone are those days.

Drowning is my third favorite way to die. But, they are all good.

I have finally moved.
The apartment is really, well, empty. And big. I can't belive we had that much space.

The new place is alright. I have a much smaller room, two roomates and no internet thus far. I'm on TAD's computer next door. It's not the same. I'm trying to break my addiction to the internet but at the same time I'm fiending for it hard. I need all the useless information it has to offer, I need to check my gmail a thousand times a day.

Jane and I went to the Magnolia last night. A Scanner Darkly was great. I've never read much Philip K. Dick, a short story here or there, But I really liked the way Richard Linklatter filmed it. It was hilarious. I'm glad that cast Robert Downey Jr. and Woody Harrelson as junkies. Junkies playing junkies, blurring the lines of reality once more.

Draped across the armchair in front of the stove, in the opposite corner of the room, Mr. Farthingale spied his robe.

Who needs a house out in Hackensack? Is that what you get with your money?
- She pulled the vinyl stars from the wall as if pulling the light out of the night sky. I need more boxes.

Rock and Roll Hoochie Coo- The new house is well....it's a House of Rock and Roll. Not the HORR bar out in El Paso, but a real house, with people living there. I plan on spending most of my time recording many of the projects I have seeme do surround myself with. People at Borders always ask me when I have time to sleep, and the general answer is always when I get a chance.
New York State of Mind- Our trip to New York is coming up quicker than I can think. There's just a few things I want to see piled on top of the general things(Empire State Building, MOMA). I'd like to go to CBGB's, McSweeney's, and Central Park. At least a little bit of it. Last time I was there we just kind of, well,looked at it from across the way. It looked nice.

What's with all the Billy Joel?

My dog didn't bark but sniffed their crotches; maybe they had been somewhere interesting.

Work is the grand cure of all the maladies and miseries that ever beset mankind- Sometimes I sit and wonder what a "normal" job is. I think I had one, once upon a time ago. I've been working in and around the MHMR field for going on seven years soon. Explaining it to people I see their reactions as a mix of horror and fear, or the ladle out the praise: You're such a good person. I could never do what you do. Yes. Yes you can. You just have to really have to drop preconceived norms and go with it.

It was a dark and stormy night, and all you could make out was a lighthouse along side the road- The joke that has been forbidden has risen again. I had a request for the lighthouse joke twice today. Once by a customer who had only overheard the middle part.Actually, I'm getting sick of it. But I have a new joke now. A better, more powerful one.

Um, so, are you like in a band?- Someone asked me that today while eyeing my tattoos. I should have told them I was something more ordinary, like a Snakecharmer. Because that's what's right underneath "being a member of a band" on the job scale. Yes, I'm in a band. And yes, we play these two shows this month:
July 15th @ RGRS in Denton:

Las Munequitas de Muerte
1) Man Factory
2) The Pebble that Saved the World
3) Blackheart Society
4) Art Howe

July 31@ J&J's Pizza in Denton:
The Pebble That Saved The World
Sarah Reddington
Fire Don't Care
No City

a reality so subtle that it becomes more real than reality

I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art.

I learned yesterday at work that all the Life Saver Training that I go through ever single year (for five years now) won't help me save someone drowning. Please, don't ask me to help you if you drown becuase I'll probably take your temp and and try to expell a meatball lodge in your throat.

-All Roads Lead Back to Tucson- Tonight I'll be at The Gypsy Tea Room to see Roger Clyne and The Peacemakers nee The Refeshments. I'm really excited, I had to miss the last show (I still feel bad Carina) so this one I've definately got to make up for it. Plus they have a new EP out.....I just checked the website. ONLY available Itunes. Damn it all.


-Pop music is about saying "fuck me". Rock and roll is about saying "fuck you- Another show at J&J's on Saturday. Velma Loves Daphne. Maaster Gaiden. The Pebble That Saved The World. Druids On Parade. A bunch of Dallas bands. It should be fun, but we're not playing any more shows until the tour. Brian, Jacob and I recorded the first two songs for Wizards vs. Dragons last night. Look for a show soon.

They took my mother’s stomach out about six months ago.

I just got back from Bowie. Don't bother looking it up, it's a horrible little place full of potholes and burned out houses. I imagine that's what people who reside in other states think of when they think of Texas. Just a bunch of meth labs and horses.

My mom called me today and informed me that one of my friends had drowned in the resevoir back home this morning. Seth's Company was called out with a team of divers to look for the body. I don't know when the funeral services are going to be. Seth has stayed home the rest of the day and isn't taking any phone calls. Not even mine. Dereck called me not too long after I hung up with my mom. He was pretty upset as well. He was worried about Seth (which is very odd) and plans on driving up there tonight. I wish I could do the same. Seth is young, too young to really be seeing stuff like that.
But then I think.
I was just a little bit older whenever I had to face something like that. They can give you all the leave they have available, try to sign you up with counselors and preachers and other people but it doesn't make any sense. They weren't there. I think it's best to let Seth just work it out and figure things out on his own.

The original darkness was still there in the stories, and it was still very dark indeed.

The weekend has been long. Work was good, nay, great and I got some sleep in.

Secret Headquarters Not So Secretive- There were quite a lot of people at the show, which is alway surprising. Jacob's voice is pretty much gone, it's all the Scientist's Blood (a concotion of alcohol, energy drink and fruit punch that Camella always makes for us) and too many unfiltered cigarettes. There was much merriment and mirth to be had by all.

Go Away!- Greg and Tina's going away party fell a little flat. Set to a background of traditional Irish music Jane and I sauntered inside and out, trying to find our place amongst so many familar faces. Needless to say we left early. Mike D now resembles someone that I could totally see living in Florida.

Of Mythology and Men of Tomorrow- My parents are having a grand garage sale coming up soon, and that means that much of my life pre-Denton is either to be trashed or sold. Since I'm not there to intervene, my parents judgement presides. The only thing I really wanted to keep was my comic books (boxes and boxes) and my Norse mythology books. All of fifth and sixth grade I was enamored with the destructive gods and drunk vikings. Hopefully these treasures will be back with me soon.

Work work and work. I need more time to do things. The curse of adulthood and responsibilities.

"To take upon us the mystery of things"—what King Lear so wistfully says for himself and for Cordelia.

I don't have much to say.
Here:

- Learned that a co-worker, Jeff in the Cafe, has written a rather lengthy and extensive Sci-fi novel and is having it published soon. I sort of drowned in my own self pity there during our hour together at lunch. Oh yeah, he's 18, fresh out of High School. I asked him where he found the time to write it: "I don't know. I can't sleep sometimes, and I thought it'd be cool to write a novel." Congrats Jeff for the reality check.

- Camella is sick. She's getting better but for some reason it bothers me when she's sick. I wish I could bring her soup or something, but I have built a reputation of being the guy to not bring soup, so the idea is moot.

-Someone in Philadelphia is angry with me, and I don't care.

- The show with The Tah-Dah's is coming up quick (tomorrow). Come if you read this. This means you all from Arlington to Dallas. You get to see the full band, all five of us now. Brian and I joke about having some gospel back up singers, but under the joking facade I did a mental check to see if I knew any gospel singers. I've got plans, baby.

I hope the weekend finds you well. And those afternoons you spend flipping through cable channels you should be thinking of something else. Go solve a problem or something.

It’s a choice between sleep and breakfast, and I go with sleep.

A very sinister day. All day I've had those dark rain clouds that you see in cartoons following me around.
"You sound like Eyeore today."- Chrissy (as told through a mouthful of bagel.)

I got a message from my parents asking me when I'm going to get my life together, just a random call that leads me to doom. I guess my life isn't together for them enough. All day I'm walking around until lunch hits, and as I sit in the breakroom eating my daily sandwich (from home) David Byrne a la The Talking Heads comes over the radio- I guess it's healthy, I guess the air is clean./I guess those people have fun with their neighbors and friends/Look at that kitchen and all of that food/Look at them eat it' guess it tastes real good.
I never have ever wanted to buy tiles for a kitchen. I've never wondered if I should buy a brass knocker or a silver one for my front door. I've never thought about actually owning and maintaing a working lawn mower. These things that my dad, my brothers, my mother, everyone I ever grew up with worry about on a daily basis, and I can't connect to any of it. I don't think I'm totally cut out to be that type of person, someone that has a mortgage. My brother wants to have children. He sent me an e-mail last week asking about parenting books at Borders for his lady fair (I actually have forgotten her name.....). I just think in my mind that I'll carry them to the register and buy them and get suspicious glances from people wondering what kind of father I would be. I don't want to deal with that.

In lighter news.....The Pebble That Saved The World/ The Tah-Dah's show is coming up this Saturday at SHQ in Denton TX. We're playing with a full band now, I hope it sounds well. Well enough so I can quit my dayjob and live on the coast and try pilates and Scientology, and yell at PA's about my panini not being grilled enough.

XBI UVZ IHM VZUWCKF RBCO RCRAZ DHQ?

I"m sitting in the industrious bustling heart and soul of Irving right now, right off of McArthur Blvd. By "industrious" and "bustling" of course I mean drive thrus by the mile and enough brown zarfs to house all the homeless in Downtown Dallas. I started the day with my parents at Baylor Medical so my Dad can go through yet another harrowing back surgery. It's his sixth in three years. Two a year so far. Next time my Mom's not even coming, she's going to put him on a plane and send him my way. Work was a bunch of "first you box it, then you ship it, smartass" with a few perks in the day. We all played a game where when the customer would buy a book we'd recommend something completely unrelated to see if they would buy it just going on our word. I'd say at least 40% of the time it worked. I suggested David Sedaris as summer reading for at least two young girls, and helped a rather obese man wearing a ballcap that said, "You Want It, You Got It!" with an armload of self motivation books. I guess you can jumpstart your life at any time, and ballcap picked today. He left the store with the armload plus a Feng Shui for Dummies that Holly suggested (In order for him to get fenf shui-d).
Other than that there's not too much going on. Everyone is gearing up for the Mav's game tonight, but I'm just going to forget about it. I have Mav fever but only a mild case.

आपनॊ गूरॊ गूरॊ,दोसरा के गूरॊ समाठॊ लॆ कॆ हूरॊ

With this invitation of a new job into my life, it also brings tiredness, irratability, lack of conscious thought, loss of appetite,a general malaise. That all sounds like something on the back of a some stomach ache medication that you find at CVS.

I finished J-Pod on Saturday. What a great book to end on a Saturday afternoon. I really enjoyed it although fans across the internet from rec.arts.books.reviews to microserfs are complaining. I wonder if when the reviews came in for Nabakov's Look at the Harlequins! came in people were saying he was over and spent?

I also read Nic Kelman's first novel, Girls. I thought the etymology of cunt and filling it with quotes from The Illiad and The Odyssey was interesting. He changed voices throughout the book, but the main stream of thought that flowed through the entire thing was the validation of men in power, how they can't see themselves in a position of power until someone else recognizes it. The thing is that the validation is through young girls. These men can't see themselves as what they've become unless some young hot thing recognizes. I guess it can be seen as the ultimate form of validation. It makes me wonder if this is also how Kelman feels, if this is his form of validation. I felt a little lukewarm about it, I don't know if I fully believe that every man in a position of power is like that. It's the same as Hostel, the I'm-so-powerful-and-I've-done-everything-exciting-except-for-holding-someones-life-in-my-hands
kind of idea.

Next week I'm going to start reading Max Barry's Company. I've read what a Canadian thinks about the American workplace, now I want a Australian's view on things.

In the aftermath of this debacle, though I kept it to myself, I felt bewildered, depressed, and, to be honest, terrified.

I sat down with Malcolm Gladwell's latest, The Tipping Point. I've been wanting to read it since the hype created around it (The Roots' last album, M. Chabon's reference to it, et al). It covers why life is an epidemic, the Tipping Point is life at a critical mass. Too much life. It's weird to think there can be too much life. Life is infectious, but not in the negative way people look at that word. They see infect and it's already, OMG. No, infectious in a way that life is just speeding up, like looking at a line graph and watching the life of the world (considering humans) travel along a solid line and then suddenly shoot upward. epidemiologists coined the word and now every business uses the term Tipping Point in everyday life.

Listening to the new Tunng album, This Is...Tunng: Mother's Daughter and Other Songs it's really good if you like electronic folk (?)

Greg, the bartender, had made them just right, with a dash of angostura bitters and a sugared lemon wedge rather than an olive.

Right now Jane is gluing red and pink Origami cranes to a branch painted yellow, it looks awesome. She's crafty, and not in that old Beastie Boys I-want-the-girl-but-she-is-too-crafty-and-cunning way, but she has excelled at the art of arts and crafts.
Work at Borders today flew by. I've learned that you could probably get anything published on any topic, and Borders will carry it. Medieval Archery Quarterly? got it. Swimmning with your Dog? Got it. Twice. Pilates for Babies? Yeah, someone has it on order.

I bought J-Pod today. I didn't buy it when it immediately hit the shelf, I waited and stewed, I almost read Microserfs again. I remember the first time I bought one of his books, from Carina. It was Life After God, and I read it the same day and twice the next week.

I didn't know that what I was feeling was a prefigurative pang of mourning for the next five years of my creative life.

Don't you hate it when you feel as if you are on the cusp of something that will define your life? I do. Boy do I do.
The week has brought W-2 forms, coffee breaks, sore legs. The kind of thing that normal people go through, which throws abnormal people (me) into a state of shock. Borders is a great place to work, it's fun, not very challenging and I get to be surrounded by tons of books and DVD's. Books and DVD's mind you, that cost a much less than some ordinary Joe off the street would pay for. Ah, the benefits of retail.
I really love Chris Onstad's blog. He captures the feelings of so many generic male adults it's not even funny, but to the point where we have to nervously laugh at ourselves. (Check it out.) He created Achewood which is also amazing.
I've been to 2 out of 3 Amy/Lisa/Ryan/Soto(?) going away parties. I do love Amy. I'm going to miss her. I'm going to miss game night. The parties are all going well, much hoopla they deserve. Their exit is grand. I hope to have the same for everyone leaving this year.
I got a mad case of Joe Jackson's hit single at the party tonight, perhaps I'm not being the dashing inamorato that I could be, but I try so very hard. So very very hard.

In fact, the amount of alcohol that I manage to get through in a week of not drinking would keep some people going for a year.

I haven't updated in a bit.

I spent Mother's Day weekend in Arkansas with my great-grandparents and my grandmother. They have a house out there, way back in the woods miles from everything. It's nice and quiet out there, too many trees. My grandfather apparently hated it, saying that you had to lie on your back to tell what time of day it was. I spent the weekend listening to my great-grandmother read poetry and learning some more Tsalagi from my great-grandfather. My brothers, Dereck and Seth, aren't interested in that stuff at all, he was happy at least someone was. It wasn't a brutal drive, three hours to the border, another hour inside Arkansas.

I started reading James Frey's A Million Little Pieces. It's interesting, I just keep in the back of my mind much of it's embellished, but at the same time I really don't care. Whatever he wrote is his dominion. I don't agree with the methods he used to sell it, but that aside, it's just a book. I'm a little sick of the whole drugs/girls/depression/self-realization
type books though, I think this'll be my last for a long while.

There's a major scene in the book where he has his mouth operated on, teeth pulled. My heart goes out to Jane right now for her toothache. I hate Dentists, I loathe their profession. I think you have to be really sadistic to become a dentist. There's to many machines and tools, that chair is a bit too bondage for me.

A day wasted on others is not wasted on one's self.

Sometimes life feels like a house of cards, made with those really cheap flimsy cards that tend to crease and bend at the slightest whim.

Tonight was a meeting of the Denton Dickens Fellowship where the Dickensians of Denton came to hobnob with one another upon all things Charles Dickens. Jane had placed in the essay competition and presented it in her venerable fashion that she so commands. It was good, Dr. Vann had not aged exceedingly and they had cookies.

Last final tomorrow, Government, and I can honestly say I'm finished with the semester. I don't want to think about it, hear about it, read about it. The grades will come in and they will go right back out. I'm in no mood or have the headspace to think about school right now. All I can think about is the duality of life, my life, and how I'm not sure which side best suits me. Either way I know that I'm going to long for the other. Oh treacherous life. Honestly, I think I listen to too much Springsteen. The Boss has filled my head with ideas of independence and bravery that I just can't seem to shake.

A day wasted on others is not wasted on one's self.

Sometimes life feels like a house of cards, made with those really cheap flimsy cards that tend to crease and bend at the slightest whim.

Tonight was a meeting of the Denton Dickens Fellowship where the Dickensians of Denton came to hobnob with one another upon all things Charles Dickens. Jane had placed in the essay competition and presented it in her venerable fashion that she so commands. It was good, Dr. Vann had not aged exceedingly and they had cookies.

Last final tomorrow, Government, and I can honestly say I'm finished with the semester. I don't want to think about it, hear about it, read about it. The grades will come in and they will go right back out. I'm in no mood or have the headspace to think about school right now. All I can think about is the duality of life, my life, and how I'm not sure which side best suits me. Either way I know that I'm going to long for the other. Oh treacherous life. Honestly, I think I listen to too much Springsteen. The Boss has filled my head with ideas of independence and bravery that I just can't seem to shake.

I sometimes think it all lives in me—everything I’ve seen and experienced, all the people I’ve known.

Mother's Day. It's coming up real quick and I've been charged with buying the greatest musical gift of all: Windchimes.
For the past four years, every Mother's Day, Birthday, I think even a couple of Christmas mornings, my dear old Mom has gotten a cross from me and Dereck. She has a wall of them (wall 'o crosses)in our home right above our antiquated jukebox. I think she just finally got wore out of the same thing over and over, yet I still get a package of socks. Life's funny like that, but I still appreciate it.

Twin Peaks. Matin Jane and I watched the first two episodes of the first season last night. I forgot how much that show disturbed and intrigued me. I've been on this early 90's T.V. trip lately (a la Northern Exposure). Now If I could only find the first season of Thirty-something and Coach, I'd been in heaven.

Finals. Writing papers for Baird on Bob Dylan and for Armintor on Historical Fiction. Two things I'm lukewarm about, but I shall prevail.

Manos Hands of Fate. Jane bought it for me.

One evening after dark a young man prowled among these crumbling red mansions, ringing their bells.

He tried walking ahead, through the trees, the shrubs, trying to stay just around the bend so he could hear them but not see them. The road was close, too close, he could hear snippets of radio as it faded out underneath the hum of rubber and gravel. He felt he could never really be alone anymore, even there with the cicadas, lizards, the deep blue shadows and hollows. He was just going to be trapped there, between the road and the trees, never really living but able to see the slow decline of both.

I've been watching a lot of Northern Exposure lately (thanks Amy). I've been in this mindset of 'disconnecting' myself from all the things that have pervaded my life, mainly, technology. The threat of technology on my existence. I quit Myspace, yeah, a small feat, a ripple in the water. Nothing big. I never post on LJ, I don't have a facebook and Friendster is absolutely gone. I have my e-mail accounts and of course, this blog. I still run the band myspace so I technically still exist in that electronic spiderweb of comments and online stalking. I need to turn it over to Camella or Jacob, but the only other person I trust with it is Jane (and also the most computer savvy out of everyone). Maybe someday I'll be able to find a balance between this place and my real life. Jane says I'd just be giving up one vice for another.

New guitarist update: Bryan Harvey from Last Of The Interceptors has become our new guitarist. He also recorded our very first EP a year ago in his studio, and now he's an official member.

The mermaid girl rode the F train standing up, one glittery hand wrapped around a steel pole at the end of the car.

I don't really think about any of the time I spent living in Big Lake when I was younger. Big Lake, Texas. It was named during a wild rain storm that filled a huge land depression in which dried up not too long after. They got stuck with a name and nothing to really show for it, forcing a lot of people to move away. We moved there in the eighties. We lived there for quite a while, I went to school there for several years, Seth was born in San Angelo. I thought we'd live there forever, and I was happy about it. My dad was offered a job eventually and it was to two different places: Big Spring, TX to continue working for Champion Technologies or to Pretoria, Gauteng, South Africa. Apparently we chose the former.
Having to move was really traumatic for me, becuase my world was confined to those streets and my only friend Chad who had a treehouse in a land that practically had no trees. This not only just made him my friend, but the most popular kid in fifth grade and I was his best friend. I had commodity. Value. My parents taking that away has pretty much left a permanent scar on me. Still, I miss Chad, and that treehouse.
We moved without any fanfare or sobbing, we just left one morning and the next week I was in a new school in a different town with different kids who all seemed smaller than me and all had acne. Where had my youth gone? I spent the next few years wearing my jacket year round and drawing Wolverine and Spiderman on every available space I had. I was pretty good, except I couldn't draw hands. Still can't. All those drawing so Cyclops and Storm and Venom, they all have their hands clasped behind their backs in the most unassuming attack position.
It was after a stint in the seventh grade and failing a class I can't recall (probably something to do with Science, as my Dad, Super-Chemist, shakes his head) I ended up in Summer School. I was lumped in with fifth, six, seventh and eighth graders so that made me older yet without the air of an eighth grader, who all seem to wear their pants a little longer.
I guess this is leading up to my introduction into wanting to be a writer. We had a class loosely based around English fundamentals (i before e and whatnot) that offered a "creative writing group". I joined becuase I just wanted to sit closer to the window so I could watch the birds(!). We had to write a short story based on something historical, my foray into historic fiction. Everyone wrote about WWII or something like that. I wrote about Mt. Vesuvius and a pottery maker that thought he could make it by hiding in one of his big vases. I'll spoil the ending for you, he didn't make it.
Well, my teacher read it, and then for some reason shared it with the other summer faculty while probably smoking outside or considering a career change. They all liked it, so much that I had to read it aloud to them. What fun! The teacher, a humdrum Mrs. Bost with apples and rulers on her vest, typed it out and gave a copy to my parents who promptly put it away somewhere without glancing at it. I think then I knew I wanted to dedicate more time to writing. I'm not going to be cheesy and say I want to be a writer so my parents notice me, that's only 96% of it. I just want to do it. I feel compelled to do it, a hidden force pushing me. I remember writing that, and everyone noticing that it was good, typed up good, and that didn't make me wear my jacket as much, or draw comics alone in my room as much.

Although I still don't take my jacket off while in class and I still want to draw superheroes when I see fresh white sheets of paper, I still want someone else to type for me.

Barry stands in the back garden, talking to feathers as they float to the ground.

I ended my myspace account this morning.

I just realized that I checked it over and over and over througout the day. I just lost interest in it. I value time, and I think that I could spend my time better reading or cleaning or writing rather than seeing how many friends everyone has and constantly reading surveys that I really don't care about.

I started reading The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam, a persian book of quatrains about life. It's really good, I have to constantly re-read it to process what's going on. Omar Khayyam was an astronomer and a mathematician who later became a mystic and wrote over 1,000 poems.

Yesterday we went on a forest trek out behind Alton Bridge in Hickory Creek. To be lost in the woods is always something that gives me a shake, in a good way. I like being out there, get deeper and deeper and further away from everything. It's just nice and quiet, birds and trees and rocks and anthills. It was just nice to be out of town for a while and wandering around. Greg and I tried to follow a dry riverbed that had been previously used for some people who enjoyed Shiner and folding chairs. We walked as far as we could until it was just impossible, all the detritus and undergrowth made it hard to go any further. I should get out there and do this more often.

He says he found her passed out in the hallway of their apartment complex, a small pile of blood next to her.

I watched Silent Hill last night. I was once really afraid to play the game at night, alone. Scratch once. I still am afraid to play the game at night, alone. It's hard being afraid of something that's digital, a series of colors and codes and numbers. Something that you could easily solve by turning on a light or making a phone call. Whatever happend to when people were afraid of being eaten by a Lion or falling off of a bridge? It's somehow been replaced by technology, I hope I don't get a virus or I hope my Ipod still works tomorrow. Maybe we should just have more hungry lions milling about to really move people back to square one.

Anyway, Silent Hill was really bloody and loud. There was a lot of gratuitous violence and mayhem, coupled with cardboard dialogue. Many unfortunate circumstances.

I wasn't used to being looked at persistently, and they were looking.

My wanderlust has yet to be satiated. I guess I'm doomed to roam the planet, helping those in need, doing right to what's wrong, David Carradine style.I got three passports, couple of visas don't even know my real name. I guess I've got time. I was thinking today that I wish Jupiter had a real surface, not just gas, so I could put a mailbox there.

Fry Street Fair was awesome. We played at 1pm, well, more like 1:30pm becuase they didn't have the stage setup. Some guy I see at Andy's (Who oddly enough was dressed like a Wizard) worked the sound. I couldn't hear anything, Shea couldn't hear anything, But apparently the crowd did. It started of with about ten people milling about, then when I looked up it was a full house. It was enjoyable, people popping in off the street to see us play. We got invited to play next month with a couple of the other bands that were after us (Rats and Children, Fra Pandolf) and were going to play at TJ's again. I spent most of the afternoon wandering around, drinking free beer for the bands and taking pictures. I helped out Warren and Mike setup for The Spitfire Tumbleweeds, met Kinky Friedman. He's really old and really brash. He was funny though, but he just kind of repeated all the stuff that he's said before. It's amazing how many people don't know his background, or who he is or what he's written. Everyone is more like "Hey, a weird guy who's running for Governor. Let's vote for that guy." I really like his articles in Texas Monthly.
We played again at The Mulberry Street Fair (a.k.a another yellow house show) with Lazer, The Undoing of David Wright, Attractive and Popular, Sarah Reddington. I think that show went a lot better, more of our friends. It was free, so that means it was all of our friends. I was asked to join Crusader (A Luke Spann production) and I'm seriously mulling it over. Could be fun.
Here's all the pics of the Last Routine Therapy show and Fry Street Fair. Please to enjoy.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kill_pop_radio/

Heaven is a place where nothing ever happens.

I'm dealing with a constant since of wanderlust right now. I feel like getting out, getting up, going and going. I don't know why though. I want to drive, I want to see strange streetlights in strange cities. I want to drink coffee at 3am and wonder when I'll stop again. I want to watch sunrises and sunsets from the highway, eat bad diner food. I think there are too many highways maybe. Caught up in some solar wind storm.
I told Jane the other day I feel like my life is a Talking Heads song. It's bigger than life You know it's all me My face is a book But it's not what it seems. Some weird melancholy yet catchy life span. When people talk, "Hey, that's my/our song," or "This song is like, on the soundtrack to my life," I wonder if it'd be their hit single or buried in a mess of other songs. I wonder if their soundtrack would be on a Top Ten list somewhere or would it just be an obscure number of songs tucked somewhere in an audiophiles collection? I think everyone has outside points of reference in their lives, be it pop music or pop art, film noir, furbies. Something that acts as a building block. Forget atoms, forget blood and lungs and valves and muscles. Peoples bodies are more likely to be filled with snippets of songs on the radio,(How Bizarre, How Bizarre) bright colors, T.V. commercials. Cut someone open and out pours Oreck Vacuum ad placements (It's so light!) and coupons for teeth whitening products. I hope someday doctors will be baffled.
Rompiendo la monotonia del tiempo

There were only like twelve in the package anyway.

I've been reading a lot about the politics of Turkmenistan today. They have a president for life, a man named Saparmurat Niyazov, who basically has decreed himself a mortal God there. A few things he's done to promote Turkmenistan culture:
Renaming bread after his mother, Gurbansoltan edzhe. (I wonder if he feels bad when people are like, "boy, I'm stuffed. I just ate roast beef on Gurbansoltan edzhe.)
redefining the stages of life, with adolescence extending to 25 and old age beginning at 85
banning news readers from wearing make-up as Niyazov had difficulty telling male and female readers apart

The thing is that the people of Turkmenistan are collectively happy about all of the changes. The United Nations recognizes Turkmenistan as "most favored nation" because they trade everything they produce for really low prices. They want to disassociate themselves with every facet of the Soviet Union. The man had a gold statue of himself that's head and arms rotate around as the sun progresses.

In other news, Fry Street Fair is this weekend, Camella is on her deathbed, and Jacob is yelling at everyone because he's afraid we'll make him look bad.

Everyone else’s hands were normal.

I haven't been to a BBQ in a long time. Even yesterday, when it was advertised on Myspace as a BBQ and it turned out to just be a cookout (this was debated as we were stuck in traffic on I-35N).
I had never been to White Rock Lake before, but it seemed nice. The cookout went well although it was a little windy. Tish has turned 24 with bravado. Tina and I went to the shore to feed the ducks, which I hadn't done in years. I should probably do that more, but I'm afraid it'll get the best of me. I'll soon be that older man with a walking stick and some week old Mrs. Baird's bread, tied with a knot in a plastic sack, sitting at the pond at all odd hours of the day. What a life.

Jane Greg and I watched Steven Soderbergh's latest public offer, Bubble. I liked it if everyone else didn't. It was very true to life about how people try to make ends meet, and that life is pretty much continually mundane. No one in the movie really had any aspirations or anything, they just lived. It made me think of how I spent many nights in the breakroom at BSSH, eating a turkey sandwich while listening to weather reports on the radio and watching the clock.

I'm sure I'm far from the first person to think these thoughts, but it's not something that I've come across before.

Where mystery, the paranormal, drinking and boredom meet, there's almost no stone unturned at 2:30am. Although the wind was cold and the clouds were thich there was just enough moonlight to be able to see as we drove to Old Alton Bridge.

I've heard several different stories about Alton Bridge, the best so far being that a man was hanged there for killing his family some years ago, and they did it wrong. Apparently the 'wrong' produced the man's head to seperate from his body leaving what I would probably believe a bloody mess that no one would want to clean up. The man finds a goat's head (attached to a goat, we'll never know. Maybe they also hanged a goat the wrong way?) and puts it in the place of his missing one.

Well, this reversed Pan never showed his face, whether goat or man. Amy lent me a pretty strong penlight which I just shined in the trees and bushes along the shore of the river. There really is nothing out there. You also can't shoot fireworks.

Stuff like that has always interested me. My mom and Seth swear that the house we live in is haunted, it's been there 100+ years now, but I don't believe it. Who or what would want to hang around there? It's even boring for the living, and I'm sure the other worldly spirits have got a lot of better things to do. I know they supposedly don't get to choose where they are forced to spend eternity, but maybe they can put in for a transfer.

I'll be posting a couple of new stories in the other blog.

I wait outside the father's law office with the boy.

So, the weekend past pretty uneventful.
I stayed mostly at work, less two hours of our embarrasment at the Coppel YMCA. We only played four songs before we were asked to leave. We laughed it off, but you could tell the dissension in everyone's face. Maybe Fry Street Fair will be a grand rebound.

I came home after whistling past the graveyard and collecting flowers. Jane had surprised me with Jack Kerouac's recordings, which I'm enthralled with. I've been looking all over for a copy of The Moon Her Majesty for a while.

This weather puts me in a better mood. It makes me feel at home.

“One chicken sandwich,” I replied.

I am 98% sure that the world that surrounds me vis-a-vis the MHMR Center is full of cult members who worship Casualism. So many things there happen by accident, always leaning towards the positive. A conversation overheard while rifling through a desk for extra ink pens:
"So, do you think that someone will be there?"
"I don't know, he's been at the bus stop for about...I'd say an hour now."
"Well, you know he can't be in direct sunlight. He's taking Keflex."
"Yeah, well, I'm busy. Hey.."

At that point the person who apparently was standing at a bus stop somewhere on the other side of town without any supervision or way of getting home walks through the door.
"Hey, there he is."
Everything resumes as natural as that place can be.

It can’t be! The perfect search and destroy toasting machine has been canned.

I found myself lost on a bright Saturday afternoon, driving along the bricked streets and ancient cenotaphs of a town that professes itself as the "Cowboy Capital of The World". I was lost, yes, but I knew my destination: The fascination with older small towns across Texas. Although raided constantly by the painted Comanche and the impact of the Civil War, Stephenville lives on boasting many neon lit bowling lanes, a Piggly Wiggly and of course, Tarleton State University.
I was there for my birthday. Twenty-five brought steaks and chicken, older people who, over an ancient fire, relayed their histories to me and how the world was when they were my age. It seemed that things were a whole lot better. Maybe we sold the simplicity of our lives for the fortune of technology? My grandmother still uses an Apple II and her husband is proud of the fact he's never touched a keyboard and a mouse. It was a good recess away from the hustle and bustle of Denton.
Jane was able to accomplish the one thing I was never able to do, which is organize and plot a party for me. My adult life had been fettered away without parties for my birthday, and Jane really made this one for me. Amy came out of left field and now I am going to immerse myself in the first season of The Oblongs, an exquisite buy. Weird, Texas now sits on my couch, the book I've been rubbernecking every time we walked by the Barnes and Noble's sales tables. Everyone brought beer, and I'm doing my best to finish it.

While much of my life has been spent obsessed with the things that I want to do, learn and be, I plan on spending the next quarter of a century doing it.

They weave a similar pattern of strings which they would like to be more complex and at the same time more regular than the other.

I promised myself I wasn't going to "get into it" with the blog over how much around me right now seems to be slowly fizzing, so Amy's birthday party!

First off, Jane made some awesome cupcakes. Spent some time on those pastries, and they were crazy delicious. I ate some Vietnamese dish at Blue Ocean, albeit good, I really still wanted to stop by the Subway on the same strip.
The we bowled. All of us. I used the ball I got from work that seemed to be a miracle in it's rubber, urethane and plastic goodness. Jane got a strike on her first roll. I don't understand my fascination with bowling, but I hope it continues to be a healthy one.
We drank. Andy's was packed and I hung out with a guy named Marty that appears to love flash animation and teaches computer science at UNT. Then Rodney and I took shots of whatever he ordered and talked about country music.
It ended at Amy's place with her passing out after she smashed a cupcake into my face.
Good times.

There was also a permanent scar along the left cheek but the scar rather than lessening her beauty only seemed to highlight it.

The break was good. Over to soon I figure, since I had to drag myself back into the swing of things today. Old Crow Medicine Show on Saturday was great, even though I had two hippies grinding on me. I'm not a big fan of the whole hippie vibe, the whole culture that should of rotted out a long time ago with the invention of the metal guitar solo or perms. I'd rather be standing next to some sweaty biker clad in leather with two day stubble than next to some hippie with a crocheted hat smelling like pinesol.
Amy's birthday is coming up. It's also her big 25. Too old all of us. Brandon, Tina and I got into a discussion at the bar on St. Patrick's Day about having a competition of who could be the most adult. Brandon won becuase he built a deck by his own recognizance. I think Tina and I just agreed being in debt is the most adult thing to our name.

The only thing I really want for my birthday is for someone to tell me some good news.

I brought my field recorder along just to record it for my friends.

There's peace in the wilds of West Texas, where the sun and the sky prevail.

I can't sleep. It's like a combination of coffee/depression/insomnia. It's almost 4am. I wish I could stop worrying about things I have no control over, but it looks like the iceberg will eventually get us all in the end.

I just wish I could get my mind straight for five minutes and figure out what's going to happen to me after I graduate. I'm going to be 25 next month, and I feel a little gyped by this whole experience so far. I just need to pull it together, and try to preoccupy myself with something.
Plus I need money, and my job has none to give me.
I do though, have an entire box of Ramen.

The icebergs waltzed to a Sigmund Romberg operetta tune, this is more like it!

Yesterday I was walking and thinking, one foot in front of the other, and I remembered someone saying that we are living between two ice ages. I just thought that was kind of funny and sad. All that ice.

Saw Dave Chappelle's Block Party last night. Almost teared up when I saw The Fugees reunite. It was really good, not as funny as I thought it might be, but overall it was good. The music was great. I'm going to have to find some Dead Prez. I had some of there stuff a while back, but I don't know what happend to it. Just up and disappeared with everything else.

Plus, I got to watch Rudy Ray Moore's Petey Wheatstraw: The Devil's Son-in-Law over at Martin's apt. Drank way too much and forgot how to play Dominoes at Amy's. I don't even think I made it on the score sheet.

I have to spend the rest of my day working on my paper for Dr. Armintor who's sage like wisdom rarely exceeds dressing warm in the winter.

Who is this man playing the piano while falling to earth?

We finally had to put Tara down on Thursday. She was a great animal, she was a great animal. She was everythign a dog was supposed to be. Funny, loyal, great hair. I don't know what's going to become of her, she's not coming home with the rest of the dogs we've ever had (Buddy, Bosco, Lucky, Ralph, Buster and Bandy),the cats (Miss Kitty, Miss Kitty II, Lenora), and a horse name...well I think it was name 'The Horse' but I distinctly remember my Dad calling in 'That Horse.' There's also a badger out there with no name, and countless chickens. It's going to be sad not knowing what's going to happen to here, but I think it'll be alright.

In other news, the bands on hiatus because Jacob's going to New Orleans for a couple of weeks to make money. He needs to, he owes everyone, so it's a good thing. We don't have any real shows coming up, but we do have a lot of new material.

I have a sore throat that won't go away.

It is a strange game we play, a kind of dramatic enactment of the universe's dream.

I don't want to be buried in a pet cemetary.
I don't want to live my life again.

Well, after a meeting with my advisor turns out I have yet another semester of school after this and summer school. I knew in the back of my mind that this was going to happen, so at least my supsicions were confirmed. I'm understandably upset, but at the same time I'm pretty much settled myself with it. I told myself a long time ago that I wasn't going to put a time limit of my college. I never wanted to have that sort of cap on it, because setting goals like that are always far fetched for someone like me. As long as I finish, I think I'll be doing alright.

Band News. We're going to be doing the pre-pre-pre-discussion for the video tonight. We found a videographer who also happens to be a fan, so we're going to milk that. I have no ideas for a video, but I think it's going to be either for Hobby Airport or Folks. I figured it's not going to as big budget as we want, so no Michael Bay type explosions or anything like that. Well, maybe one explosion. Or two.

I want to explain what it felt like to cross the border from Chile to Peru.

This week has been nothing but a whirlwind of sickness and sleep.

For some reason my internal clock is messed up beyond belief. I guess it's just becuase late night after late night, and the absence or responsibility during the day. Except for class. This semester all my classes are those kinds of classes where attendence isn't required, so that's really horrible on my part. Oh well. I always make it by.

I'm really concerned about school though. I need to meet with my counselors and see what's in store for me. I'm supposed to graduate after I take this one tiny math class at NCTC and that'll be that. I'm worried that there's something else, and that I'm going to have to take another semester, and that I'll have to put off my life for another semester. I don't know how much more I can just keep putting things off like this. I'm going to be 25 and there's some much I always said I'd do by now, but alas, here I am. I need some initiative.

I found a Morrissey photo book for Jane today that made her happy. That's at least one thing that I can say I've accomplished before I turn 25: Make a lovely girl happy.
xoxo

The tickets were a gift from Junie's father, of course.

Okay, I give up already.

People around me all time comment on how hot and beautiful Milla Jovovich, how talented an actress she is, etc, etc. I usually contend that although I am a big fan of The Fifth Element, I could never see it. So now I gracefully bow out and accept that yes, she is beautiful and yes, she is also talented. I've never seen any of the Resident Evil movies, so her acting talent goes without saying.

Day two of sickness. I felt worse this morning, it's only now starting to feel better after Jane gave me a crazy amount of Vitamin C (the Vitamin, not the singer). My throat still hurts and I have the shaking rattling cough of an old man, but these things aren't uncommon when I get sick. When I get sick, I turn into some blithering idiot, forced to roam the house in a t-shirt and track pants and wonder why television sucks now. I want to watch Family Matters.

My friend George called tonight, he leaves for good to the great City of Brotherly Love on March 1st. George was once the lead singer/guitarist of The Pebble That Saved The World before Jacob replaced him. He's a great guy, George. He'll be sorely missed by all. One great finale at Lou's on Sunday and then he will be in the midcities with his parents and then gone to the home of The Roots, Bill Cosby, Will Smith and and Kevin Bacon.

His name was Mr. Smith, but he didn't look like a Mr. Smith.

This weekends freak weather (which isn't actually 'freak' weather considering it is February) has left me with a sore throat and a headache.

Friday I got punched in the nose, yes, a bloody nose at 24. I got my first bloody nose when I was 11, by a kid named Josh. This time it was a fifty-four year old man who was having a bad day. I bled, it was sore, but it was over quickly. I just had a headache. No big deal

Saturday was our show at the Yellow House. The first band, Red Team Go! played for an hour. We had shaved our set list down to eight songs becuase we wanted to keep it short and sweet so Last of The Interceptors could have the night. Alas, they didn't go on until 2am. Some girl got punched in the face and had to be rushed out, Caleb got beaten up by some unknown drunk guy. I guess it was a rockin' good time, but I had to leave so I could go to work....

...late. I went to work late.

Lone Star kicked the toe of his boot into the light brown grass.

What's with the weather?

Yesterday the sun was shining, a light breeze, I think I heard a bird. I was listening to Mungo Jerry sing about summertime, and now this. The girl at the Union where I bought lunch said "This is why I get sick." Which I replied, "Can I have a paper bag?"

I finally decided that it's about time I should cook at home instead of just on the weekends. I'm pretty sick of eating out all the time, and Denton doesn't have the choiciest places. I mean, I enjoy fast food just as much as anyone else, probably more, but I just can't take much more of it. It takes half an hour for us to decide to go anywhere, when there is a full functioning kitchen right behind us. So I'm going to clean the microwave this weekend, and use it. I don't think I've turned it on in over a week. Is that weird?

Oh, BTW, there's a show this weekend at the Yellow House. Red Team Go, The Pebble That Saved the World, Last of The Interceptors (their CD release party). Please come if you can, even know it's going to be hot and sweaty and too many scenster kids will be there and someone will be wearing stripes and complaining.

Oh yeah, I updated Range Life.

This frayed and salty baseball cap has never seen the inside of a washing machine.

Anyone ever heard of a moolatte? Or an Umlaut? I don't know.

Today I told a really funny joke, but it was only really funny to me, and that's the worst kind of joke. What's even worse is that I'm laughing at it right now. I said I should write it down, but Jane says that I'll remember it. Probably becuase I'll retell it tomorrow.

Practice sucked tonight. I don't know why. We have a show this Saturday, and I'm just not feeling it. I don't know why. Maybe tomorrow'll be better.

1. How tall are you barefoot? - 6'0

2. Have you ever smoked heroin? - Nah

3. Do you own a gun? - Nah

4. Rehab? - Nah

5. Do you get nervous before "meeting the parents"? Yeah. Totally.


6. What do you think of hot dogs? Great

7. What's your favorite Christmas song? A Wonderful Chirstmas Time- Paul McCartney

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee

9. Do you do push-ups? sometimes. not often

10. Have you ever done ecstacy? Nah

11. Are you vegan? - nah

12. Do you like painkillers? Sure

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? God, who knows?

14. Do you own a knife? No. Jane does. She got it from IKEA. She told me not to touch it becuase its sharp.

15. Do you have A.D.D.? I don't think so.

16.Date Of Birth ? - 4/2/1981

17. Top 3 thoughts at this exact moment:
1. I've got work to do.
2. Whatever happend to the Honda AIBO robot?
3. Do I know a Gypsy? (the answer is: Yes)

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought.
1. Whataburger
2. Valentine's Day Stuff
3. Time

19. Name five drinks you regularly drink:
1. Coffee
2. Sprite
3. Amber Bock
4. Monster Energy Drink
5. Water

20. What time did you wake up today? 7:45am

21. Current hair? Longer

22. Current worry? Tests this week.

23. Current hate? Blythe Danner(always). Shareaza is slow.

24. Favorite place to be? - Bed

25. Least favorite place to be? In Line somewhere

26. Where would you like to go? Ireland

27. Do you own slippers? Nah

28. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years? Slightly to my left.

29. Do you burn or tan? Tan then burn

30. Last thing you ate? Breakfast

31. Would you be a pirate? Yeah

32. Last time you had an alcoholic drink? Tonight

33. Do you sing? Yes

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as as a child? A Bobcat. No kidding. One single Bobcat.

35. What's in your pockets right now? Cellphone and Wallet

36. Last thing that made you laugh? Jim Gaffigan

37. Best bed sheets you had as a child? Smurfs

38. Worst injury you've ever had? Stabbed in the knee

40. How many TVs do you have in your house? 1

41. Who is your loudest friend? Micah.

42. Who is your most silent friend? Cody

43. Does someone have a crush on you? Jane.

45. What is your favorite book? Microserfs- Douglas Coupland

46. What is your favorite candy? Aero

47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding? I'm Crazy For You (But Not That Crazy)-Magnetic Fields

48. What song do you want played at your funeral? Puttin' On The Ritz- Taco

49. What were you doing 12AM last night? Eating Lasagna

50. Do you love the pain a tattoo brings? I don't mind it.

You wheel your bicycle out of the hallway and nearly run over my ponytail.

Quick update becuase I have class in fifteen and I've got to drink my coffee really quick. The biggest fear is burning the roof of my mouth.

Working on a story for Dicey Brown and still trying to find books on Tarot cards. Purely research, becuase I think Tarot is a can of worms that people shouldn't even open. It's all psychological. Oh well.

You remind me that you took color theory last semester and you know colors in a professional way.

I can't sleep. I think I'm going to start updating like those COFFEE NEWS prints you find at local stores and restaurants.

TODAY!! I watched CNN this morning with the sound off so I could sleep, but I couldn't tear myself away from the ticker. I can never pay attention to the story at hand becuase I watch the ticker. I silenty mouth out the words and greedily wait for it to advance. I didn't get to sleep.

Did You Ever Notice...It sounds like someone is moving furniture next door. Earlier I heard a really evil (yet ultimately muffled) cackle come from there. I have no idea what are neighbors constitute for a good time, but I think those two things are involved. For people that seem to rarely leave, they just make a bunch of known. I guess everyone wants to get noticed. Sometime.

Good Mail News! My mom sent my medicine for my asthma. Now I can go back to bravely walking slightly uphill and taking the stairs in the Art building.

FUN FACT: If you bake buscuits and accidently leave one in the oven for a few weeks. It turns really black and hard, like a molded hard tennisball. NO FEAR! You're in luck! You can use glass cleaner and an old sponge and in nearly thirty minutes it'll come right off.

The detective must be a complete man and a common man and yet an unusual man.

I have a splitting headache.

It's one of those headaches that centers itself in your skull, burrowing down into your parietal lobe, causing a spiderweb of pain throughout my head and neck. I've taken a couple of aspirin, but it almost seems hopeless.

I didn't go to work today. Blame it on the rain(see: Milli Vanilli). Blame it on my shitty breathing as of late. I don't know. I just didn't want to go in today. I spent most of the day doing research on Tarot cards (upcoming projects) sleeping and watching Going Tribal on the Discovery Channel. I don't care how many mainstream drugs are out there, and I don't really care what they do, but the guy on going tribal is nuts. He ate some striped tree bark sauteed in some sauce ( I believe it was a mixture of mud and...different kind of mud) and ate it. He tripped for three days, sick for three more, and then he can join the tribe. He says he lost nearly ten pounds over those days from shitting and puking everything he had out. I don't want to do that, but I'll gladly watch him do it.

I need something new to read.

It was a cold, dry wind.

I recently learned that my Lab, Tarah, has cancer.

I've had Tarah since I graduated high school, a hand me over from a friend who couldn't keep her. She was a really tiny puppy and she had to stay inside. She couldn't really go outside too much. She didn't bark or whine at all, and everyone thought there was something wrong with her.
I moved here in 2001, and Seth sort of took over caring for her. He's the best brother/dog keeper I knew, so it was up to him. He can through 100%. There are so many things I love about Tarah, and it's really making me sad everytime I think of her. I might of mentioned she recently had back right toe amputed, but she still trucks on. I know she has medicine to help control the cancer, but it's still something that bothers me.

"If only I had an accordion," I thought.

I've been listening to a lot of soundtrack scores as of late. It started with downloading Jon Brion (I Heart Huckabees, Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind) and went on to the Tosca Tango Orchestra. I can't explain it. Oh, and I got the new Arcade Fire and We Are Scientists. Good stuff.

Jacob's worried about the future of the band. Camella and I are graduating soon, Shea seems to have found Cartright more fitting, we have almost no shows lined up and the summer tour is on the rocks. What's new? I probably would be less stressed If I weren't playing, but at the same time I want to play. A conundrum. I do need to take time to write more...

...which leads to the rejection letter that I got this morning. What a wonderful thing to wake up to.
Here's a copy. I laughed at the letter, who couldn't? It's funny. I guess I'll hit up somewhere else.

People pay a lot of money not to see rotating Josephs in your electronic nativity scene.

Slow couple of days. My parents are bothering me about my w-2 forms and whatnot, gotta get that money. I've never been impressed by any of my tax returns. Every year I get a smaller and smaller amount, so I'm over it. Over I tell you!

Band meeting. Sometimes I feel like the band is a house built on an unsteady foundation. We have a new keyboard player, Crystal Kazakos, that I know everyone will be dying to see. A possibility of Shea going overboard ( on his own account) but none of us can blame him. The guy's in two other bands, one of which is actually going to do something more serious. Godspeed. If he is able to quit his day job and play with Cartright full time forever and ever, that's great. He made the comment that like being in a band is "dating four other people. All the time." Which is very true. You feel obligated to those three other people constantly. Although serious parts are lacking, you still have to be in a relationship with these other people, like it or not.

I really want a cinnabon from Cinnabons. Or just a cinnamon bun from somewhere, not specified. Except not 7-11. They're all hard and crusty.

Things didn’t get any better once you got up and moving.

My God it's windy. I was walking back from the Willis Library and my jean jacket was all blown open like I was challenging someone to punch me in the chest. No one did thankfully, and I made it home with my Health class notes.

I was thinking about the very first story I ever wrote, the beginning of my career. I was in sixth grade, and found myself in school during the summer for some discouraging report cards. I failed math, so I was put in summer school with the summer classes featuring children from sixth grade and below. I was the tallest.

Accelerated Reader. The program designed to force kids to read in some cereal prize box, Chuck E. Cheese way. If your class gets a certain number of points, something crazy happens in your class. Pizza in school! Soda! What, the teacher is also enjoying a slice of pepperoni! Topsy-turvy world it is. While in summer school though, we did it invidually. Everyone thought it was an alright idea, and read dinky kids books for about 2 pts. apiece. They were flipping through books on motorcross races or Moviebooks (Books that came after the movie depicting the main aspects, i.e. I read Mac and Me.)

I read Greek and Norse Mythology. Points assigned each book: 10. By the end of the sessions, I was in the lead with over 100 points.

Well, as a challenge we had to write about the books we read. I had just read a book on Mt. Vesuvius, the volcano that destroyed Pompeii in ancient Italy. I wrote a story about a man named Locrates (cleverly changing the S to an L because of my pedestrian greek name knowledge) the man frozen in time a la' molten rock. He made baskets and had a son (who had no name) and a wife that worked in another town. I wrote about how sad he was that all he made was baskets, and that he wanted his wife back so they could make more baskets and they'd be rich. It was an awesome story, a great basic plotline, and I even wrote after he died, that he was really surprised that he was killed.

I got an award for it, and all the teachers got a copy of it. I wish I could find it to re-write it, but I don't know which box at home it's in. I just really liked that story.

Professor Van Zyl is annoyed at the protesters outside his window.

I've been having really strange dreams lately. I dreamed that the band, all of us, received a letter from my grandmother. In perfect script handwriting it was addressed to The Pebble That Saved The World. I didn't read the address, but did notice that she had put two stamps on there.

This weekend I dreamed that I was by myself in the apartment, like Jane had left and I knew I wouldn't see her for a while. I just kind of putted around until I woke up.

I'm not big on dreams or anything, I don't think they can foretell anything or something will happen as a result of you dreaming, but it's just weird. Jane says everyone dreams, but I don't ever remember anything from sleeping. I don't know why these two things just keep coming up in my head, like on some sort of cycle. A Norse mill that just keeps dumping the same images into my mind.

In other news, new practice space, new keyboard player, new shows and a super secret summer tour announcement! So secret that it's being kept from everyone but Camella!

Alienated from the clique society, A lonely boy finds peace in fishing.

I'm a horrible person on the phone. There's something in me that just can't talk on the phone. I pause, I groan, there's dead silence, I mutter. I try to explain things that just can be explained over the phone.
I'm cursed forever with the impenatrable question, "What are you doing right now?"
Such is life. I'm leaving the phone world behind. I can't do this anymore.

In other news, my chair's serving it's purpose. It seats me, and it suits me. I plan on watching the rest Law and Order: SUV and eating a hotdog while sitting in it. Such is life. You leave the world of telephones, and you find solace in the world of seating.

Behold This Field of Fresh Grass.

Does anyone remember the Finnish band Hanoi Rocks? They were big in the early 80's. I think I'd like to find something by them, I remember they were listenable.

IKEA proved to be fruitful trip. I got a lamp for my desk (the same we have in the bedroom) and a chair for $20 that was frustrating to put together. Jane got a great mirror and a canister with dots on it.

I finally saw Audition. I thought it was pretty good. I guess I expected just a little more. Just a tad more gore, but it was creepy enough to make me look away from the screen for a split second.

We all got whipped with a stick at Amy's. I don't know why. We had just taken to each other with a switch she had from Borders. It broke, but I think Martin's going to have a permenant scar.

Practice featured a new keyboard player. I'm reading The Pleasure of My Company by Steve Martin. I just found $2.00 in change.

I Promise I will as for extra cheese and keep it on as weight. I promise.

Let's see...

Bowling: Fun. I just barely rolled over 100 (face!) and watched as Ryan fooled everyone with his weird rolling skills. I felt like I was in 80's movie. I guess it was the bowling. I asked everyone about it, and then we got on the topic of Chopping Mall . Then we drank beer, but not good beer from dirty Holiday Lane pitchers, but beer from Brunswick Lanes. We got the boot from Holiday.

School: I forgot where I sat in Astronomy, and then it was too late to move to my seat. Some girl said "Excuse you." to me and I felt mad, then I felt confused and then I was hungry. FYI, I still don't like space. This class is hell. Had a meeting with Dr. Armintor. We talked about Grad School at UNT and then Guided By Voices. I still don't know much about Grad School, but I know a lot about GBV.

The Pebble That Saved The World: New songs to practice tonight. More dance beats. I guess were going to be a dance band, which isn't bad.

Even if he's a hot sexy female man.

Many people believe that Big Spring is representative of the social rot that Republicanism has wrought upon Texas. The school system is appalling, from kindergarten through Howard College, the local community college. In the local high school, football takes precedence over any pretense of education. The economic base consists largely of low-wage, unskilled and semi-skilled work. One of the major career opportunities in Big Spring is prison guard, working in one of the numerous local prisons. A high percentage of the local population lives in poverty, and would be eligible for public assistance if the Republicans had not gutted social safety net programs. Upon visiting Big Spring, the poverty and lack of medical care will be readily evident as soon as a local smiles, showing off a mouth full of the rotting stumps of what were once teeth. Obesity and diabetes are also at epidemic levels in Big Spring. The teen pregnancy rate is astounding, and in fact it is not uncommon to meet young women in Big Spring, as young as 20, who have 3 children, each with a different father. This is especially ironic considering the dedication to fundamentalist, evangelical Christianity displayed by most residents of Big Spring. The municipal water in Big Spring emits a quite unpleasant odor and is not recommended for actual drinking. The downtown improvement plan for Big Spring has consisted of periodically knocking down abandoned buildings, turning what was once a prosperous downtown into vacant lots overgrown with weeds and filled with trash. The city of Big Spring does not have a single general interest bookstore (non-Christian), which says quite a bit about the local literacy rates. The class structure in Big Spring is third-world like, with a small number of well connected and well off business people ruling over the 90% of the population who are poor.

On a more positive note, the people are quite friendly. And if you like barbecue and Tex-Mex food Big Spring has some outstanding restaurants. Brenda’s Barbecue is highly recommended, although residents of Big Spring are quite opinionated when it comes to a discussion of barbecue or Tex-Mex food. There is one truly amazing display of Christmas lights at the Partee residence. The "Live Drive Through Nativity" is one of a kind. Housing costs are unbelievably inexpensive.

It is quite an educational experience to visit Big Spring, TX.

I can't believe this is on Wikipedia. I mean, Big Spring isn't great, and a lot of it is the truth so......I don't know why I'm complaining. I think it's because I remember a lot of good things about Big Spring. The mild winters and tolerable summers. I remember there was a mountain somewhere, and I threw a knife off of it. And SWCID. And Casa Blanco. A lot of other stuff, but I can't think of it right now.

She said it was just a poodle, but I suspected more.

Man. The tour's over. about four days over. We broke pretty even, at least TPTSTW did. Actually we came out $2.90 ahead after all was said and done, and then that $2.90 was used at Taco Bueno, so we're broke again.
It was fun. I got to see a lot of Texas. There's still a lot of nothing/opportunity out there. Traveling around in a rock and roll show in this great state makes you really realize that this place is huge. I need to calculate how many hours we were actually on the road. Highlights of the Winter 2006 tour:
- Almost crashed the van between 87 and San Marcos. It was almost 1am and Jacob told me to take this windy steep mountain road. I had to hold the brights on the whole time. A deer ran out in front of me.
-Played at a Dance Hall. Victoria, Texas. Johnny Cash played there. Elvis played there. We played there. It was cold and windy, I wore a scarf. We played outside to 12 people.
-Played Hanks HS in El Paso. 300 kids, 20 bands. We were the third band, Cartright closed the entire thing. I signed so many autographs to HS kids. We sold a lot of merch. We're going to be in the Hanks HS yearbook.
-Threw up. I Threw up near a palm tree after eating a Chorizo and Egg burrito from Taco Polente. We were on the border near Matamoros. It was 3am. Wicky watched me, and then she threw up.
-Kicked out of Austin. We played at Flamingo Cantina in Austin. Someone threw up on the rooftop terrace. Someone threw a chair down the stairs. Micah started a fight with the bartender over his drinks. We almost didn't get paid.

We all hate one another and no one wants to see anyone. Give it a week and we'll all be together again.

School starts at 9am for me tomorrow. Starts with PolySci and then goes upward for the rest of the day. Literally. I go to Astronomy in the middle of the day. I should really do something this semester, becuase I'm almost finished and it'd be awesome to actually come out ahead.

I also want to read more Russian Lit and write a dance song.

So he goes out, banging on walls, clapping his hands, forgetting the entire time we're playing a show.

Still in Victoria.
We're all finally up, watching DIG! (Dandy Wahols documentary thing) and wondering where to go to get out of here. I'm considering shaving my beard to just chops for the rest of the tour, something different. I've done it before so, it's no big deal. There's a new interview with Douglas Coupland that I want to read, but I don't think I'll get a chance to until I get back to Denton. It's tough reading with nine other people in the car breathing on you. I'm slowly working my way through Children Playing in Front of A Statue of Hercules. It's great. I'm going to go find coffee and someplace to brush my teeth. I'll try to update later, but you know, it's the road.

Hey Dog Hey

Hey.
Where in Victoria right now. It's a big hardcore town. We played with another hardcore band tonight called Ghost in The Machine. We only sold on CD which is good. Where staying at Savannah's tonight. It's a great place here, we're about to eat some home cooked Mexican food. Tomorrow we drive from here to McAllen, the very edge of Texas. We've been to every edge of Texas so far, except for East Texas. Shae and I had a freestyle rap battle today and I won. I might go to the beach tomorrow.

Oh...they sound kind of like one of our songs.

Two shows down, so many more to go. I slept in the van after being kicked out of a house this morning. El Paso is really nice, really pretty. Everything is very desert, like Big Spring. Micah went in to a billiards room and saw four very unfriendly vatos. Mexico was awesome, we're going again. Cartright's having a battle of the bands tonight. We played at a high school gathering earlier, it was fun. High school is way differen these days, totally new crowds. A lot of eye liner, a lot of bandanas. Suprisingly, they bought $30 worth of merch.
The road is trying, Jacob is trying, everyone is pretty much testing one another. It's going good so far.

I always try to ignore contracts and deadlines.

In about eight hours I'll be in an Airport Shuttle halfway across the state of Texas with nine guys and a gal. We loaded everything up tonight in the back so we can get a fresh start in the morning.

I'm hoping everything goes well. I had a dream the other night that something went wrong, but I just have to keep thoughts out of my mind. I'm going to be in Mexico on Saturday, shopping for Jane, Judy and Amy. I might get a corona shirt with girls in bikinis on the beach, or a cap with boobs on it. I'm not sure yet.

I hope the rest of the week here will be sane and comfortable, due to me going insane in a very uncomfortable way. Hopefully we'll come back with hundreds of adoring fans and I can be on MTV Cribs showing of my china collection or something frivolous like that.

p.s. I'm sick. So hope I get better in the morning.

Who else is love?

me scripsit anno 2005

It has the bones of a ghost story, clothed in the tatters of a more conventional story of malaise, retrospection, and family collapse.

Wow. My car finally died.
It's been a long time coming. My car has been slowly just falling apart since last year. Over the years it's done me well. Although credited with building the most famous Japanese fighter plane, The Zero, Mitsubishi had dealt with so much througout history. Coal mining, real estate, banking and insurance helped shape modern Japan. Their delve into building cars in the early 20th century turned them into even a more dominant force and Mitsubishi (three waterchestnut) became one of the biggest finacial forces in history.

Today while driving down I-35 South, heading my way to Lewisville, my car began to smoke, large gray wafts from the tailpipe and the engine. It was gone. Only after feeling anxious and blabbering like an idiot on the phone to Jane, the police and firemen blocked off the road, and checked my oil. There were three of them, and one of them was the Fire Captain.

I feel liberated. I don't have to worry about driving, at least not for a while. The car deserved to go, and now it'll be salvaged for scrap. Shooting the horse with the broken leg. That's what it feels like.

Geordie initially becomes successful under Barrett's employ, working in his Soho nightclubs and sex shops.

There are far too many annoying advertisements today. I don't want to buy anything. I feel like my grandparents sometimes, how they still bought tried and true products from yesteryear. That and they would give us peanutbutter sandwiches with shiny grease in it out of a big tin. That's what I want to buy.

List of things I've done while Jane is away:
-Hung out with George Oster- Brief encounter while getting coffee. Explained to me that you can't file a police report for a hit and run while being drunk and having no insurance.
-Deleted!- So many music files deleted from my computer. New Year's cleaning I suppose. I wish I had yet another HD to store them all onto, but I don't need three copies of The Descendents Sour Grapes.
-Drug Emporium Field Trip- I finally got one of my three prescriptions filled. It was only $10 (opposed to the $50 a piece for the others) so I think I did a good thing. I'm sure Jane would be proud of me.
-Mainly felt, wood and glue- I watched this special one how they build Steinway Pianos. They're $50,000 brand new. To learn to repair them takes two years of intense studies. And plus, New Orleans had the highest number of Steinway Pianos in North America. Right now somewhere outside there are these two guys who look like Tommy Chong working 'round the clock to salvage Steinway parts for rich people.

African push-up champion, and his struggle to overcome a debilitating cowlick.

Everyone seems to be posting/boasting the number of books they read for 2005. I don't really remember how many I've read. I read East of Eden though, despite it being broadcasted as "The Book That Brought Oprah's Book Club Back" it was really good. Steinbeck said that everything he had ever written until that point had been practice for it. It was really depressing, which is what I like about his work. His work is always very matter of fact and straightforward and always ending badly. What cheapens it is that I learned that Jimmy Fallon is to star as Cal in the re-remake of the movie this year. From James Dean to Jimmy Fallon.

I've talked to so many people today that always mentioned something about they did last year. Not like, "oh I went here" or "oh I saw this movie." More like " Hey, the last drink I had was last year!" and also "I haven't seen you since last year!" It really makes me sad that I'm not the only person that they are telling this to. Tina made it a point tonight: "They're going to go around and say that to everyone they see today." I'm just one in many.

Now I'm currently incarcerated in the Marin County Jail in San Rafael, CA.

New Years Eve came and went. I watched the ball drop at work, waiting for relief. I didn't get out until 11:20pm, so I was lucky I made it anywhere to celebrate. I realized last night as we were driving home from Amy's that we celebrated the new year early, one second early. We didn't observe the leap second. I think we'll be alright becuase everything was pretty much the same if the extra second wasn't there.

Part of me didn't want 2006 to come. It was inevitable, but part of me wanted to be like little Pete and try to go backwards in time by eating copious amounts of Riboflavin and riding across time zones on my bike. I just wanted it to last a little longer, more than one second. I just know what 2006 brings, and I just don't feel like having to realize it right now.