I don't think there's necessarily a story, but there's definitely a theme here.

This is probably one of most aesthetically pleasing videos I have ever seen. It's filmed in Shanghai, China, and I simply can't put it into words the feelings that it brings up in me.

The sounds of my roommate playing his ukulele in the living room is an odd sense of comfort.

In two weeks I'll be going into the studio to help record an album and I have only the slightest clue about what's going on. Our drummer is probably going back to Florida to play for his first band, Against Me!.
We did finally settle on the studio though, which is good. Night Owl Studios. John has a good rapport with the guys because the first album was recorded here as well.

My ankle, for what it's worth, miraculously healed itself. Dr. Olga, the only Dr. I'll ever see (see the last post) said I should probably go to the Ryan Center so a medical doctor could check it out, but it feels fine. A little tender here and there.

Tomorrow I have to get fitted for a tuxedo for my brother's wedding. More on that later.

This will affect many Americans.

25 Things About Me:

1. À la recherche du temps perdu- I have a horrible memory coupled with time loss. Things sort of get jumbled in my mind regarding time and and exactly what happened. But on the other side, I can remember things clearly like how many tire treads or road trip mix tapes, in order of song. But I don't remember where we were going or why.

2. I read on a daily basis: Cracked, The Huffington Post, Google News, Wikipedia, The Onion, McSweeney's and The Christian Science Monitor. This is where I gather all my information and still feel uninformed about the world at large.

3. In third grade I was forced to have my first abstract thought: China. I can't touch, taste or feel China, but I had to know China.

4. I refuse to see a doctor or go to the hospital. This has been ingrained in me for most of my life that if I can't fix it myself just leave it broken until I can.

5. Back to #2- I read the recent deaths section of Wikipedia every day and tally up the ages.

6. Although I studied English and Creative Writing in University, I've worked in the mental health field for 10 years come February. And although I do plan on going to grad school next year, I still want to work in with this population.

7. When I was young I wanted to be and Archaeologist. My grandmother would get up early and go bury things in her back yard in Abilene. After breakfast she would give me a trowel and a box and I'd spend all day digging.

8. I had an unhealthy obsession with Mongolia. Mostly because they were nomadic and lived in Yurts. Now I have an unhealthy obsession with Iceland. Mostly because it's far away and now they have no government. I think I just want to be far away from things.

9. The first song I learned how to play on the guitar was House of The Rising Sun, The Animals version. The second song I learned was Santa Monica by Everclear. Sparkle and Fade is still one of my favorite albums.

10. Bodega Sandwiches are my lifeforce.

11. That being said when I working I forget to eat and have to get a phonecall to remind me to eat. This happens several times a week, and I have a rainlender calendar on my desktop that reminds me to eat at 3 every day.

12. I was a member of the Young Communist League. Key word here is 'young' because I think we were all too young to really realize what being aligned with such a strong form of politics. I maybe confused about politics, but I know that I can't really stand behind Communism anymore.

13. Graphic Novels. I can spend the rest of my life writing and creating graphic novels, and It'd be an ideal job. That's my lying on the beach drinking a mimosa kind of job.

14. Getting my English degree was an exercise in defiance to the utmost degree.

15. I'm deathly afraid of getting type II Diabetes. When my Dad and my Grandmother were both diagnosed in the same week last year, I didn't sleep for at least three days and threw away a box of unopened Hot Pockets.

16. I've had many great days in a row. Things get better.

17. I talk about Denton as this city in the clouds. I remember it being that way, and then I remember days where I never left my room because I was so bored.

18. I don't like rude humor. I don't like toilet jokes. Or fart sounds.

19. I'm always encouraging people to not get tattoos.

20. I have really bad phone manners. I just don't like talking on the phone, so I make it miserable for everyone. Plus, if it's more than 2 minutes I consider that talking to you all afternoon. This is something I desperately need to work on.

21. I've read most of Dean Koontz's books in High School. Why? Why? Why? I don't know why. I think I was so against Stephen King at the time I wanted to read what no one else was reading.

22. I love cooking. I love reading about cooking. I love watching people cook. I can slice a bell pepper like it no one other.

23. I can't wear t-shirts out in public, but I have dreams of wearing t-shirts out in public. These are vivid dreams, and I'm always happy.

24. I'm afraid of becoming washed up, but I don't believe in the American Dream.

25. I miss watching Mr. Show and Kids in The Hall. Those were my favorite shows, and I just can't bear to watch them without feeling a great wave of sadness.

I date women on T.V. with the help of Chuck Woolery

When I was younger, I watched this show religiously every night. I don't know why, but falling asleep to the laugh track and the woo-hooing of the audience really knocked me out. Plus did any of the girls really want to go on a date with the guy, or were they just being nice?

Home Sweet Home is a good place to go, if it's Wednesday. It was incredibly fratty last night, and some girl touched her greasy forehead to mine asking for rolling papers.

I gotta get paid soon.

Dedication time.

In lieu of my night dance-a-thon at Music Hall of Williamsburg (by the way...if you see a pair of black hornrimmed glasses smashed into thousands of pieces) I'm going to post my favorite dance songs, by decade.

Yeah, last night Rude Mechanical Orchestra, Spankrock and Matt and Kim. RMO killed it, srsly. Like, murdered the show in such a good way. I don't know what the aesthetic of having a marching band really is, if it culls out the band nerd in me (Tuba- 6 years)but it just....fucking amazing to see it live.

Here we go!
1970's


1980's


1990's


2000's (TOSS UP TIE UP)

The age of miracles, the golden age.

Crash bang, back at work and for some reason the office is re-arranged, our minifridge is on the fritz, my mailbox is full and I can't find any of my HRA forms.

They vacation has come to an end.

So, if you know me very well, and if you read this blog, I'm an avid fan of the Keanu Reeve's 1991 film Point Break. We rented it the other day just to watch it on this TV.
Does Johnny Utah's realize that they've named there bar after a certain FBI agent and former Ohio State quarterback with a heart of gold? Probably not.
Anyway, good bar, you sign a waiver without reading it, get a stamp and you can ride the mechanical bull. Not bad. Photos soon.

Right now I can't put any weight on my left ankle due to a mishap with a ladder and a bruised ego.

Tonight is Martin-i Luther King Jr. Party!

oh yeah...


and now...

I'm tongue-tied and useless again

I woke up early Tuesday and took a really long walk through Prospect Park. From 5th Ave. back to Stratford Rd. I kept warm in the freezing weather and enjoyed sloshing through the snow in my new Reebok's.

Needless to say, vacation time is leaving me high and dry. I've gotten a lot of work done, so it's not a complete waste. I've been editing like a madman- scratch that- cringing like a mad man. Going through these stories is like sharing a superficial relationship with a friend in high school, you remember why you didn't keep in touch the more you remember. I can chalk it up to being young, which I do, and laugh it off. Then again there are things that I feel like I will never live down, and cringe as I think back to the time I typed those letters out on my old computer.

I wonder how much work I've done that I just tossed because It didn't live up to what I wanted it to do?

Back when Radiohead meant something to me:

Just a cold cold boy with american heart...

So, I made the first mistake of the week by watching The United States of Tara.
After being bombarded by the subway ads at every stop between here and The Bronx, I gave it a shot. No no no.

Anyway, I'm on vacation again, so I'm trying to come up with ideas. Last time was a practice vacation, this one I need to use to be productive. I'm working on editing several of my stories for Glimmer Train and Zoetrope. All part of the really try do something with my life in NYC thing I got going right now.

I'm digging Fleet Foxes still. I read a review somewhere that said their album sounded like it was recorded in a forest. I'll go as so far as to say a magical forest.

Memories are what warm you up from the inside. But they're also what tear you apart.

Sometimes I think of my mind as an ocean, this big mass of water full of ideas and memories and hopes and dreams. It's also full of beautiful creatures- some that make sense and other's being beautiful just to beautiful. And then there are things that are buried at the bottom of, things that have sank into the seabed, things that I want to forget or need to forget? Things that just happen to be forgotten just to be forgotten?

I'm going through my bookmarks deleting things.

David Sitek's Flickr
Police Codes (??)
Captain Obvious

and a youtube link to this video:

Thanks in advance for helping homeless New Yorkers!

I used to think that the years would go by in order, that you get older one year at a time ... But it's not like that. It happens overnight.

There was once a time that I didn't have have to choose between listening to Sigur Ros or drinking Nyquil to go to sleep.

Gah! New Years Eve left me with an aching head and a sleepy heart. I don't think my body is accustomed to fancy dresses, ritzy salmon hour d' ourves and copious amonunts of Champagne. Not anymore. This is not the 2000's I know and love.

I've decided to go ahead and start looking at MFA programs again. So far this morning it's been Hunter College, University of Texas and the MA Program at University of North Texas. The last two would be a welcome homecoming, since I've already been in talks with a friend who doubles as a Professor at UNT. I could just slip back into academic life there... but then I'd have to leave NYC.


Downtown Owl, anyone?

Adios 2008

The act of losing, however, can elicit great wisdom.

I finally started thinking about how I'm going to spend 2008. Since I only have the 4 days left, I guess I'm just going to continue eating bodega sandwiches, drinking and wondering if I should gather my GRE stuff together as I convince myself that next year is a good year to apply for grad school.

Things I've learned to enjoy in 2008:

- Anything made out of sweet potatoes
- Drinking beer in the shower
- leaning way dangerously forward while anchored on to something stationary, waiting for the train.
- The Dallas Cowboys
- copious amounts of Chinese food (mainly rice congee, juk)
- Getting e-mails
- Buses
- Hiking...
- New Jersey

Things I've learned not to enjoy in 2008:
- Anything above Central Park, really
- Snow. Snow. Snow
- bar covers or bar specials that aren't really special at all
- Drinking in Manhattan
- Crowds on the L train in the morning
- Yes, we can all hear your ipod
- The Dallas Cowboys

So, as I continue to regale over getting chased out of Chinese restaurants, daytrips upstate (Rockefeller State Park) and trying not to burn my hands cooking (see a much previous post), I'll think of you and yours for the next year. 2009 I think. I hope.

I was fired from VH1, not canceled.

I remember seeing this video somewhere before. I've had it stuck in my head all day. These people, I assume are French for some reason? My boss is French, and this is in an office... so maybe there's a mental connection there.

I'll be in NJ for the rest of the week. Maybe a special guest update from another state? Stay tuned next on Sick Sad World.

I wonder if Madoff would enjoy this..

您知道I' 总是ll爱您

Although I do appreciate the snow, I don't think I'll ever like it. I don't think I'll ever accept it as a possible effect on my life. Not yet at least.
I've always had a soft spot in my heart for snow though. Watching it fall from my apartment window sends a chill through me, not a cold chill, but this chill of normality. This is a normal, plausible thing in life. This is weather. This is something that we know.
Do the oceans get jealous of rain and snow because these things fall on us? The way we're affected by these things we just accept as a precursor to our life. Does the ocean even acknowledge the presence of snow and rain?

Do I acknowledge the presence of the ocean as something that impacts my life as much as snow and rain?

Since I've been on this forced vacation (a labor of love, significantly) I've spent a lot of time just rehashing things. Let me get the record straight: Sometimes it's hard to look myself in the mirror. Not that I don't see myself, it's just hard to look at myself from that perspective at times. I think about the trouble I've caused, the things I've broken that I want to somehow magically unbreak, the things I want to fight for and seem to be doing a horrible job. I see someone that's been rescued and I've seen someone that's done a lot of rescuing. Someone that has no absolute connection, but wants to connect everything.

I dunno. Maybe it's the weather.

If machines could speak we wouldnt need to advertise.

Greetings from Sunny West Orange, New Jersey! Yes, it IS the home of Thomas A. Edison!
Actually, I got back on Friday night. They don't have much on the internet out that way.

Through much elation concerning food, high regards to a Pecan Pie and only one missed train, Thanksgiving came to a close in good cheer. Kudos to everyone who showed, or didn't show, but was thinking about it somewhere else. Thanksgiving is one of the holidays, in my opinion, isn't very biased on religion or belief.
I've never heard anyone that didn't celebrate Thanksgiving on based on a certain lifestyle or religion. Maybe because it's so generalized? It's not associated with anything? I guess it's more like President's Day but with a lot of family and food.

They've been playing Christmas music non-stop over the past two weeks on the radio.

For that special Bowie fan out there:

I may need to do a stake-out over the weekend.

Blip Festival 2008: The Promo from Richard Alexander Caraballo on Vimeo.

I see murals in the radio static and on your blue jeans.

Day.... 3? Day 3 in the throes of West Texas.

A gallant homecoming if anything. I touched down in DFW Friday night, Brian patiently waiting the 1 1/2 hour lateness of my flight. Delta, why do you shun thee? As he said in his e-mail, and once again in person "word is bond."
We sped through the night to get to Denton, where it was nothing but shots and free Shiner abound at RGRS with the skeleton crew of RGRS.
After that I headed out, thouroghly buzzed and using the train tracks as landmarks to get to Lucky Lou's to meet up with everyone else.
Went to a part that was DJ'd by two guys with laptops sitting next to a bonfire.

I met up with Ian the next day for an impromptu session, getting more ink on my arm. It's pretty much finished all the way to my wrist now, so I'm pretty happy. I took a long walk around Denton. There's a lot that's gone, there's a lot that's stayed the same. Most everyone I knew has either relocated to NYC or Portland, Oregon. There's a handful of diehard's left, the music scene has changed considerably (let's give up Centro-matic for bands like Bat Castle).
It was good though. It made me realize why I left and why I don't think I'm ready, if at all, to come back. My life is so on the razor's edge most of the time, merely a gust of wind and I'm gone somewhere else. I moved to NYC on the whim of Amy telling me how great it was and my new luggage. Now coming back, I know that I'd do it again.
What a great respite it is to come from NYC back to...nowhere. Driving along the highway, it really is a vastness that I haven't thought about in some time. The first sip of Shiner is my petite madeline a la Proust.
On seeing the big picture: True, people do look at the big picture only when they're feeling up or down. I think if you're constantly looking at the big picture it'd be hard to live your, or any life. Always having to see everything. It's unfair to the moment, especially when someone else is down in that valley with you or high on that peak. Time and space don't allow you to really always look at the big picture either. If that were true, than everyone would probably be level headed individuals. But that's not being alive should be about. It's about selfishness, time gained, time lost, happiness, love (what is love?) and everything in between. We are not rational creatures, and if we had everything down to a science, there'd be no room for art.
It's been a good break so far. There's definitely a line drawn in the sand in regards to my life.

Brilliantly restrained.

Topsy-Turvy, right?

Last night I went to the Film Forum to see Mijke de Jong's Stages.

Have you ever seen the appropriate movie or heard the appropriate song to fit whatever's happening at that moment? This is was pretty much it. I equate breaking up to reincarnation; or how just have to handle to the world from another viewpoint. I mean, let's say an animal, dog/cat/hamster or whatever sharing the same apartment with a human or another animal. You experience the same surroundings but through a different view. What's big to someone is small to the other. What's black and white is in color. Right now, I'm having to look at things the big picture.
That's what I feel right now, I'm going to be in the same set of circumstances, yet I'm having to look at it from a different point of view. Stages is very relevant to the situation. It's shades of life with two divorced people sharing a son that can't or won't connect with them. It's really a series of peaks and valleys of two peoples emotional states: you want to love or hate this person, you have a hard time distinguishing that. It's a quiet film, at that. De Jong drops the sound a few times to focus on the visual, which is something I wish American filmmakers would use.

I leave for Texas next week, next Friday to be exact. It couldn't come at a better time.
The guy at the lower left hand corner of this picture looks like Devandra Barnhart.